Even the Happiness is temporary !

I have a million thoughts running through my head right now. What a wild animal the mind is. Oscillating from one feeling to the next, jumping from one emotion to the other. Sometimes I want to spend time alone with my mind, with no distractions. But that’s a bad idea I suppose.

I can’t help it if I can’t take life seriously and it’s not the everlasting thing. You might think I’m weird.

I don’t know why, but on a few occasions I just start crying, I think of all the bad things in my life, and I get depressed. I am not better at all. But to you I am just a girl smiling as she passes by.

I just want to be happy, to be genuinely happy for a long time. But this sadness just keeps coming back. It’s holding me down. Yesterday I was so great but now I’m terrible.

Why can’t things get better permanently for once??????

Funny how I start writing as soon as I’m disturbed. It terrifies me how easily I get upset and my whole night can turn bad. I feel like I’m getting into that “I just want to sleep all the time habit”.

Sometimes I think I was a sociopath, honestly. Life would be so much easier without feelings and compassion.

My writing has taken on two simultaneous purposes. One to figure out my own weaknesses and the other to figure out my strengths. Except, if I look close enough, it is neither that make me what I am inside, nor does it compromise on a single aspect of my own existence. Not when I am a BRAVE HEART.

I can’t help but feel that my whole life was staged. I do not like ultimatums and yet I give one every day to the world and to myself. It takes three things to defuse a bomb……. Patience, Knowledge and Steady hands.

 

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I met a man, I liked him. Up until I decide he was just like all the rest, love happened.

“although science could pinpoint the exact spot in the brain that ignites rage, they had yet to identify the location that produces love.” – Doctors by Erich Segal.

I’m doing good, as I always say. Because maybe I am. Despite monotone and turbulences, somehow, I am doing okay. On a scale of chirpy to exhausted, I’m dangling right in the middle, but a little bent to the brighter side.

Dandelions and daisies, turned into dried rose petals behind glass walls. Playing my favorite Bollywood songs in the background, sometimes I feel all I’ve written has already been written down, told days ago, I feel I say the same things over and over, and YOU listen anyway.

 

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I had all the time I wanted and yet I never knew how I suddenly was in a relationship with you that has no status and how you can literally spend all your time with someone for days and still not know their favorite color. Friendships (we can name it for now) are a little like sex, intimate but concealing. Stress has gotten to my head and every time I try to spit words like venom out of my system, my eyes smile a little less than they did the last time.

I do not deserve YOU and yet I know for the first time someone will fight to keep me. That’ll kill me for sure. I have to hide away.

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