Happiness is Temporary

I don’t know  why, but on a few occasions I start crying, I think about all the bad things in my life and…..I just get so depressed.

I am not better at all. Everything is shit.

But for you I am just a girl smiling as she passes by.

Sometimes I wish I was a SOCIOPATH. Honestly.

Life would be so much easier without feelings and compassion.

Like sure, if someone you have feelings or feels the same way it can be great, but then they have the opportunity to hurt you so badly. Or just anyone who means a lot to you.

Funny how I start writing, as soon as I feel sad. And it terrifies me how easily I get upset and my whole night can turn bad. I feel like I’m getting into that “I just want to sleep all the time habit”.

I just want to be happy, to be genuinely happy, for a long time. But this sadness keeps coming back. On few days I feel so happy… but now I feel terrible.

Why can’t things just get better permanently for once ???

All things have endings, sometimes happy ones, sometimes bittersweet and sometimes saddest of all.

 

My writing has taken two simultaneous purposes. One to figure out my weaknesses and other to figure out my strength.

Except, If I look close enough, it’s neither that makes me what I am inside. Nor does it compromise a single aspect of my existence. Not when I have a BRAVE HEART.

unnamed-16

And then comes LOVE: “although science could pinpoint the exact spot in the brain that ignites rage, they had yet to identify the location that produces love.”

I’m doing good, as I always say. Because maybe I am. Despite monotone and turbulence, somehow, I am doing okay. On a scale of chirpy to exhausted, I’m dangling right in the middle, but a little bent to the brighter side.

Dandelions and daisies, turned into dried rose petals behind huge glass walls. Numbers are dreadful, but I now know how to complement substitutes and figures with piano tiles; playing my favorite Bollywood song, sometimes I feel all I’ve written has already been written down, told days ago, I feel I say the same things over and over, and YOU listen anyway.

People are beautiful, with their sleep poses and weird expressions and slightly nasal voices when irritated, they undeniably are. I had all the time I wanted and yet I never knew how I suddenly was in a relationship with YOU and how you can literally spend all your time with someone for days and still not know their favorite color , hahahaha.

Friendships are a little like sex, intimate but concealing. Stress has gotten to my head and every time I try to spit words like venom out of my system, my eyes smile a little less than they did the last time.

But I would say Happiness is still temporary!!

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