My life my choice

Somethings are really free in this world. And No, I am not talking about love, luck or destiny here. I am pointing out to that community or class of people who are never too busy or hesitant to share their piece of FREE ADVICE.

You just step out of your house and you meet your so-called well-wishers, just waiting to pounce their opinion and suggestions on any topic or issue. Yes, and they don’t even charge you for this, the nonessential consultation is just free of cost. You can catch or connect this species wherever you go. Not necessary to meet them in person, privileged on phone calls as well.

 

DON’T JUDGE MY CHOICES, WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING MY REASONS. DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I’M DOING, WORRY ABOUT WHY YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I’M DOING.

advice

You must be wondering why am I criticizing them and why is there so much dislike for them. It is just because recently I have confronted them in bulk. But there is no kind of animosity or hatred, just that, it is annoying. At times you leave the house for a cheerful evening walk or some fresh air, but come back home resentful, irritated and argumentative.

I suppose it is no one’s fault. Neither the one who is advising, because this is genuinely done by them out of gratitude, nor your, because you are bound to be genuine to listen to all that crap.

“Don’t you feed your kids? Why are they so thin?”

“Give them this and give them that…blah blah…”

“What do you earn while working from home? Is it enough for yourself and your kids?”

“oh my God !! you have two kids and they are daughters…. God had been biased for you… one son could have changed your life !! “

These are all face-to-face conversations I have had in the past. They are harsh, annoying and relentless. Every decision is insanely analyzed. The offensive aunties or your same age women never miss an opportunity to bring you down. May be this is the only way to make them feel good about themselves. Perhaps they are idle, with really low self-esteem.

cat

Whatever be it, I have started fighting back. No one will say something rude or intrusive about me and my kids and expect to get away. I will give it back, sometimes sarcastically, at other times in an amusing retorts. And the underlying message would always be, “Mind Your Own Business”.

“My life,My Choice”. If you have a problem with that then keep it to yourself. Unless of course, you are planning to raise my kids, pay my bills, run my home, I have no interest in hearing what you think about my life choices.

It is a fact accepted by me that some people will remain morons, and I should stop being effected by them.

If your strength is small, don’t carry heavy burdens. If your words are worthless, don’t give advice.


 Bottom line: If my actions don’t concern you…..don’t concern yourself with my actions.

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This Is Why I Decided To Not Move On After My Husband Died

My seven year old daughter came up to me with tears streaming down her face. She held on to my legs affectionately and through her whimpering sobs asked me,

“Mamma, why is Papa not with us? Can we also go to heaven and be with him?”

That was the brutal reality of my little girl. Every time she saw another girl playing with her father, she would feel miserable. She was too young to understand what had really happened, but she knew that she would never get to see her father again. That is enough to tear apart any seven year old child.

My other daughter is just two years old, so this is way beyond her. But she’s like a little puppy. She just knows when something is not right and comes and hugs me, pulling me with her tiny little hands.  And, they’re all I’ve got left since my husband passed away around one-and-a-half years ago.

The day it happened, I just sat down on the floor and didn’t get up. I didn’t cry, scream, sob, or say another word. They said I had gone into a shock and probably denial; that I didn’t understand fully as to what had happened. But that’s not true, because I did understand.

I understood that I had lost the love of my life, my soul mate and the human being that I adored the most. He was the most amazing father to our little girls and exactly the kind of lover that I needed him to be. I understood that I’d never lay my eyes on him again and that I could never feel that happiness of his touch again. I understood. I just didn’t know how to react.

So, I slipped into a world of my own where my own silence engulfed me and blocked everything else out. I went through every moment with him in my head over and over again while I performed his death rituals almost robotically. I didn’t care about the rituals. I just needed to accept that he’s gone. And, that I did.

But it’s not easy to let go of someone that you love dearly so easily. Friends, family, neighbours, colleagues and whoever else came up to me and told me that it’s all right. That this is a part of life and that I should ‘move on’. I lost my best half and my best friend, and you tell me to get it together and MOVE ON?

What these lovely well wishers of mine do not understand is that it’s not a simple process that gets over within a month’s time. It’s not a step-by-step process! He was an important part of my life and will always be. So, I will never move on from him. Instead, I chose to keep him as the same important part and move forward into a new normal life. You know why? Because it is very much possible to honour the past while embracing the present.

And, that is exactly what I’m doing.

I still grieve his loss, yes. My older daughter still struggles to live with the circumstances because she was so used to her father being around. She’s trying to accept the situation and she’ll eventually get there. It is very difficult to watch her go through this, but I do my best to comfort her by answering her questions or telling stories about him that might make her smile. That weaves itself into a new conversation and the sadness disappears from those beautiful black eyes.

This is what I think – we never choose our lives. I was not prepared to live without my husband. I didn’t have any degree that would term me an expert in dealing with loss and pain. But when I reached the saturation point, I sat back and finally took a long deep breath of relief. When the worst gets over, life happens on its own.

Of course, no amount of time or distance will give way for that ache and sense of loss to exit from me. I still miss the way his laugh sounded, the way his eyes twinkled at me, the way he took care of the girls; his excitement, his passion and everything about him – it was here to stay.

But that is that. I’m living a full and happy life with my children, hoping to piece it altogether and become a whole again. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m getting there with a little bit of self-help, the love that I see in my daughters’ eyes, the support of everyone that I know and of course, his presence that surrounds me. He never really left me.

 

 

 

originally written at http://akkarbakkar.com/

Unlimited FUN without poking your pockets

There can be nothing more exciting than looking forward to the weekends. My little girl wishes the weeks to be just five days where she can plan for three days school and two days unlimited fun on the weekend. She is well aware that mamma is surely going to plan something great for the weekend and I do. I make sure kids are not glued to the screen or spend an unplanned day which may leave them feel dis-organized and overwhelmed. Keeping most of the day unchanged and in routine like the week days I always try to plan an outing with kids.

This weekend we went to Sarasbaug,which is the heart of the city (Pune) and also houses a famous Ganesh Temple also known as Talyatla Ganpati. Thousands of devotees visit the temple daily and the number goes up on occasions and special days. After a little time spent inside the temple we headed towards the adjoining garden area.It is a big garden space with a few swings for children to play and an artificial lake. The lake also has a fountain. The trees and the grass are well maintained. Kids enjoyed playing for some time there, we took the badminton racquets and a ball. After spending about an hour in the greenery we moved out near the adjoining food joints.

Parking for four wheeler is a little problem but as we went there in a cab, it was easy for us.

As we entered the so called “Chaupati” area we could see huge giant wheel and other rides like Columbus, Mary-go-round, Tora-Tora and a few for small kids also, like the Chhota Bheem train and small car ride. The stall honchos rush towards the customer to lead them to their respective stalls. One can imagine the Chaupati similar to the Mumbai Chaupati. There are lots of food joints serving Bhel puri, Paani puri, Pav bhaji and other delicious eateries. They are serving the best chat varieties and other quick-bites including Chinese, South Indian and fast foods dishes. I personally suggest the bhel and pav bhaji, the must-haves and relished by us. Kids bought ballons and candy floss. I had my favorite sweetcorn. As the sun was setting the lights in the area made it a bright and gleamy affair. I could see kids enjoying every bit.

This is a centrally located place in the city, just a kilometer away from the main Swargate bus stand. Commuting is not a problem due to easily available bus and auto-rickshaw services. It proved to be a great place for kids to spend time and take rides. The climate was also one of the factors we enjoyed the outing. The day was spent well within a budget of 5-6 hundred rupees, of course excluding our cab ride to and fro.

My girls are ready to spend another day there, playing and enjoying rides. Being a single parent I want to ensure my girls are getting their share of fun moments like any other child with both parents around. My motto is to guarantee fun and joyful moments as memories and create a strong bond as siblings and as mother-daughter accord. So I keep trying to make the weekends more energizing, wonderful and entertaining.

The much needed “ME-TIME”

I think I have been doing too much and close to my limits. I have been worrying and disheartened enough, not taking time out for myself, maybe. Sometimes you feel so low that even a little thing can bring in the emotional turmoil. People around you actually notice the frustration. I think that’s clearly not fair to starve yourself of some “me-time”.

Everyday we feed our ourselves, our families, our kids and sometimes our friends. But we forget to remember to feed our soul.

Today was that day for me. I woke up early and finished things. Felt contented and convinced. Then had a nap in the afternoon. Went to my friend’s house for tea. Spent sometime in a quiet house with my friend. Talked over that cup of tea, lots and loads of things. Sharing my thoughts, cribbing about things, being a braggart. Not to mention our girly talks. Not worrying about what has happened and what is going to happen. I relaxed and I chatted. I need not mention what I have been stressed about.

 

feedyoursoul

 

What a wonderful time. Sometimes we need quiet and peace inside our minds and outside our bodies. No T.V, no door-bells, no kids. Only calm and hushed.

I suggest everyone to do what they need to feed their souls. Write or read, nap or chat, whatever it is that makes you cool, serene and peaceful. It is not a waste of time or being selfish. It is as much necessary as feeding your tummies. It leads to healthy relationships and healthy YOU within.

Feed your soul for the wholesomeness for your thoughts in any way or anywhere, at home, at play or at work. Feed your soul with good books, real friends or meditation. Its only about spending sometime of your own and gaining peace inside to fight more battles which are yet to come.

CHEERS

What’s the end game

In today’s competitive world, every parent want their children to stand out in the crowd. All we want is the best for our kids. Sometimes we want for them everything we never had as kids. We want them to get everything they can, out of life, right? There is nothing wrong in wanting the finest to release the best promising potential. But if we are not careful, we can create excessive pressure over them.

 

Sometimes I think about the present scenarios and wonder what’s the end game?

 That’s what I want to know. I ask this question to myself, silently, every time I hear of a second grader going for extra tutoring, extra classes, endless sessions a week; every time one of my daughter’s friends is unavailable for play with her because she has after-school classes for dance on Monday, after-school drama and recital classes on Tuesday, after-school swimming on Wednesday, after-school abacus on Thursday and after-school Trinity grammar classes on Friday. Without skipping the weekends, as well, there are other classes.

I turn down to stop other parents and ask the question aloud. But it blazes me from inside. I would really like to know.

 What’s the end game? Or what the heck are you trying to attain here?

 end

Back when we were kids, we returned home from a day or any day at school and did three things which were always in this order. First, we had our food, mostly it was lunch. Then, we did our homework. And the third, we played like donkeys (literally). We would meet our neighborhood friends and play until it was dinner time. Really, we did.

Whatever parental logics are applied today, against all those, remarkably, we’ve all wound up doing just fine. Married, kids, homes, careers, contentment.

Today my friends are designers, marketing experts, lawyer and one of them is also the CEO of a company.

 endgaem

Nowadays, we live in a community where nothing for kids is allowed to come naturally. There is predominated pressure that reigns, the air is tainted by a rising demand to make certain—cost and logic and foolishness—that your child has been placed on the hundred percent list of guaranteed path to success. It’s not enough to have the kid learning at his grade level these days. He has to be one or two notches ahead. It’s no longer OK for the kid to have little to do after school, free time to use as he sees fit. So, now you’re either signing your child up for infinite organized activities, or you’ve somehow allowed him to fall behind. Everything spins around success, success, success, success.

 

Now, can anyone specify what in the world is success?

 whats the endgame

Please, I would love someone to tell me. Is it being a class lecturer or an orator? Is it getting into Harvard? Is it earning an MBA or a Ph.D.? Working for NASA? Having your own reality TV show? What exactly is the definition of success?

 Every parent is in such a rush to assure a child’s future, yet nobody has been able to appropriately define the ultimate reward. Parents are heard saying, “We just want to give our child the best opportunity to succeed” endlessly without explanation. And many of the parents are, quite frankly, unhappy even after that. It’s like we are all lined up on a racetrack, and we know we need to dash as fast as possible — only there’s no distinct finish line. Just run hard, spend all your energy, and maybe you’ll find it.

 Children today do have many wonderful opportunities, but they need time to explore things in depth. Many children don’t have time to relax and sigh. Parents put them in so many activities that they are exhausted and drained. Children miss out their childhood experiences if they are over-scheduled. They should be allowed to pursue their interests. Let them have enough time to play and explore their personalities. There is very little time for them to be just kids, if their lives are adult-dominated. Children need time with parents — time to relax, have fun, talk, read, play games, draw, explore and just hang out. Families that are constantly running from one extracurricular activity to the next have little space for these experiences. Simply limiting the amount of time spent in extracurricular activities and not just wasting time running around for classes maybe the key for more time spent together and being stress-free.

 Our kids are gifted with only a few years of childhood. That’s it — less than two decades before the harsh, dark, real world beat their happiness. Yes, of course, I want mine to do well in school, and learn the ethics and virtues of humanity, kindness and hard work. But I also want them to jump, play, rejoice every moment. I aspire for them to climb up the trees, to run and ride until exhausted, to let loose a loud whistle and cheer for their gangs, and much more. Giving them a happy childhood, without defining the limits. If they are happy, I’ll be thrilled.

Common Cold and Nutrition

Changes in seasons generally causes common cold. How much ever we try to control the exposure of kids from the viruses, may not save them. Sometimes a number of viruses may cause upper respiratory tract disorder in kids and also in adults. Kids are more prone to the environmental changes. As we all are experiencing too much changes almost everyday in the temperature, this makes kids susceptible to flu. As moms we cannot stop kids from playing outside or keep them away from the viruses in the air, but we can always take precautions by keeping and eating healthy.

Symptoms of common cold may include sneezing, sniffing and nasal congestion. But are you protected against the common cold?

Winters are here and mothers major concern for kids of getting effected with cold cough and congestion rises. Best way to fight with this issue in children can be natural remedies to fight the disease few options are listed below:

rest

Rest

Sleep is truly a great medicine; keeping us healthy in good times and helping us heal when sick. Released compounds boost the immune system, so encourage napping. Just don’t layer on too many covers, as that can overheat your child, which, in turn, can elevate his or her temperature

chicken soup

Chicken Soup

A cup of chicken soup for a cold-and the good news is, whether it’s homemade or store bought makes no difference. The steam helps loosen congestion and the broth hydrates. Studies have also found that the chicken and other ingredients in the soup actually have an anti-inflammatory effect-a very good thing, since inflammation causes coughs and stuffed-up noses.

garlic onion

Garlic and onion

Onion’s pungent cousin contains allicin, a compound which has been known to have anti-bacterial properties. The only problem you might face is getting your kids to eat it. Try mincing the garlic very finely and adding it to a light pasta sauce at dinner time to avoid its detection.

fluids

Plenty of Fluids

Keeping your child hydrated is essential to flush out germs, so push such drinks as water, fruit juices, herbal teas and broth. Jell-O is another option as are cooling, soothing ice pops. Milk is okay, too; that it thickens mucus is a dis-proven old wives’ tale.

elevate

Elevate the Mattress

Adding a bit of lift to the mattress at the head of the bed helps sinuses drain more readily, thus adding to your child’s comfort. A rolled towel or yoga mat will also do the trick.

vapour

Humidifier and Vaporizer

A cool-mist humidifier goes a long way in relieving dry, stuffed up nasal passages by adding moisture to a room. While a humidifier can help relieve congestion, mold and mildew can build up and be sprayed into the air if not cleaned properly each and every time.

Other things helpful :

Respiratory Ailments

Camphor creams applied to the chest and neck can help relieve congestion and ease coughing. Inhaling camphor fumes relieves airway congestion and loosens mucus. When camphor cream is rubbed into the chest and throat, your body heat helps to release the camphor vapors that act as a decongestant. Camphor oil can be added to a room humidifier for a similar effect.

Menthol/essential oils

Essential oils containing menthol and eucalyptus have been used for centuries for treating coughs and colds. Menthol works as a mild anesthetic and is used to relieve sore throats. It also makes the mouth and throat feel cooler.

Also, Homeopathy medicines can work miracle in  boosting up the immunity to fight cold and cough virus along with a good healthy diet.

Every winter or seasonal changes we catch the cold and the best defense is right in your plate. Eating a well balanced diet can actually strengthen the immune system of course along with exercise and resting adequately. A good diet is also essential for recovering and reducing the duration of any illness. Diet also helps in decreasing the worst side effects like sore throat and stuffy nose.

1. Nutrient rich diet will build the immune system to fight against cold.

2. Increasing the intake of hot and cold liquids like water, green tea, fruit juices or soups. Liquids will help loosen the mucous and get it out of the body.

3. Avoiding caffeine due to its diuretic effects in fluids like tea, coffee and soda makes them less effective than water.

There are some foods that can be eaten while the cold is on. These include oatmeal made with water, whole grain toast, tomato juice, orange juice, decaffeinated hot tea, soups and fruits.

I hope these guidelines can help you with yourself and kids during the aggravated cold.

Cheers !!

Know your OATS

Almost all of us are well aware of the benefits of including oats in our daily diet and many of us know how its useful for its high content of fiber, but there is always a curiosity to know more. So this time I decided to write something about this wonderful cereal.

A bowl of hot oatmeal for breakfast is not only satisfying and filling, it also gets you off to a great start because of its numerous health benefits. Oats are a type of cereal grain that has numerous uses in food. They are most commonly made into oatmeal, which can then be eaten as porridge or added to baked goods, or ground into oat flour and incorporated in baking. As one of the gluten free grains, oats can be safely tolerated by those who must avoid gluten in their diet.

Nutritional bits of Oat
  • 1 cup of oats (whole grain, cooked) contains:
    • Calories: 147 kcal
    • Fat: 2.3 g
    • Carbohydrates: 25.3 g
    • Protein: 6 g
    • Fiber: 3.98 g
    • Glycemic Index (GI): Varies.
      E.g. porridge made from rolled oats (low);
      porridge made from instant oats (high)
although the oats is un-glamorous, but fortunately most of us are aware that oats benefit us in a multitude of ways. Besides being a good source of high quality protein, vitamin E, minerals like zinc, copper, iron, manganese, etc oats are the most well known for their high fiber content . The soluble fiber in oats, beta-glucan, has been shown to reduce LDL cholesterol and help stabilize sugar levels.

Various forms of oats are available on the market, and here is a crash course on oat vocabulary:

  • Steel-cut oats: These have a a dense and chewy texture. They are produced by running the grains through steel blades that thinly slice them.
  • Oat groats: Whole, minimally processed, unflattened kernels of oats. They can be cooked into a porridge, or incorporated into baked goods. Since they are unprocessed, they will take longer to cook – and the upside is that the nutrient density will also be higher.
  • Old-fashioned oats: These are steamed and then rolled, and have a flatter shape.
  • Quick-cooking oats: Like old-fashioned oats, quick-cooking oats are also steamed and rolled. The difference is that they are finely cut before rolling.
  • Instant oatmeal: The oats are first partially precooked, rolled, and then dried. As a result, they cook much faster. Some manufacturers may also add other ingredients such as sugar or salt to instant oatmeal.
  • Oat bran: The outer husk of the grain that resides under the hull. Oat bran is available as a separate product, which can be used to add texture and flavor to baked goods, or simply to boost fiber content.
  • Oat flour: Ground oat grain.

Always refer to the nutritional  values or the label to ensure you are buying healthy and wholesome oatmeal.

CHEERS!!!!!!!!